Shattered Self – A Poem

I wrote this poem after a recent get together with a person that has held many differing roles in my life. This poem highlights my struggle to adapt to the current version of them and the role they play in my life now.

This is written for those of us that are tied to those who have hurt us. This is also written for those who face a changed person, once hurtful now seemingly kind.

It is the back and forth mental struggle I relate to the art of Kintsugi. I love the illustrations that can be drawn for repair and prospering after harm, however; not all of us can piece ourselves together as a potter can. I find myself walking a tightrope picking and choosing which pieces to repair and which to leave shattered so as to not offer up my whole self, a self I know could be broken again.

To all who feel the same, may you tread this path with care and alongside trusted company. May you find yourself and slowly piece yourself toward whole.

I shatter myself to reach you
When I am trying to focus on making myself whole

They say brokens pieces made right make for stronger pottery
But each time they break they are getting smaller
I am forgetting how they went together
Patterns are not lining up anymore
The dust piles up and blows away in the wind
Parts of me lost to time

Pieces of me appease you
All the time knowing you could break me again if I show up whole
So I bring my shattered pieces each time to meet you
Handpicked rubble brought forth for approval

The more I piece back together
The less I bring to meet you
The farther apart we feel
I break remaining pieces in more places
Paste together a collage you would approve of

Feeling as far away from myself as ever
All while I am trying to make myself whole

For More on Kintsugi:

Kintsugi: Broken is Beautiful (YouTube Video)

https://youtu.be/ym3XO5VsvMw?si=2FCUKHXKED08Xqif

Kintsugi: The Healing Power of Pottery Repair

https://www.gov-online.go.jp/eng/publicity/book/hlj/html/202008/202008_07_en.html