Don’t Take “Should” From Anyone!

Bonus Content: Coloring Page

Maybe you have heard someone say, “Don’t you think you should be better by now?” or “You should be over that it has been months.” If these or any similar phrases resonate with you, I have some bad news. You have been “should” on. Sit with that for a second. You have been “should” on. Gross. That stinks (figuratively). Just like real poop, it is gross and rude to “should” on someone. It is even worse to be the one who is “should” on!

Worse yet, some of us (me included) are “shoulding” on ourselves. Have you ever thought to yourself, “I should not have said that” or “I should be smarter.” Well, you have “should” on yourself. Yuck.

I am pretty confident that everyone has either been “should” on or has “should” themselves at some point. If you are like me, both have happened quite a bit. In fact, the amount of “shoulding” I got from others amplified the “shoulding” in my own head. It is like I was so used to the “shoulding” on me that I decided to adopt it as a personal daily practice. Um, gross. But, at that moment, I did not know I was “shoulding” or that I needed to stop accepting “should” from others. Now I do, and so do you.

So how do we take a proverbial scalding hot shower to rinse these “should” germs off of us??? You have already taken the first step of acknowledging the “shoulds.” Once you know they are there, you can acknowledge when someone tries to “should” on you and when you are “shoulding” on yourself. For when others try to “should” on you, ask yourself some questions. How well does this person know you? Is this someone who shows they care for you? Can you trust their judgement? If not, then ignore their suggestion. Say something bland in response like, “That is a suggestion” or “I’ll think about it.” If yes, then proceed with the following question. Can I be doing this right now (energy, time, money, ability)? If not, then set a goal or a set of goals to achieve this. If yes, then do it now. You can ask these questions of your thoughts as well. It can help to separate ourselves from our thoughts by visualizing them as a separate person talking to you and then you can talk back just like you would to anyone else “shoulding” on you.

I am wishing you the best of luck as you begin your journey of identifying “should” and rinsing those “should” germs off. Remember, don’t take “should” from anyone! With love.

Bonus: Here is a coloring page I designed as a reminder of what “shoulds” sound like. They are all phrases coming from the perspective of someone “shoulding” on themselves with “I” statements. To apply it to someone else “shoulding” on you, mentally switch the “I”s with “You”s. Happy coloring!