…You Might Be a Human
A Playoff of Jeff Foxworthy’s “You Might Be a Redneck If…”
7–10 minutes
I am always down for a good laugh, and Jeff Foxworthy’s “You Might Be a Redneck If…” gets me every time. I appreciate the idea that we can all laugh because we either are the redneck, know someone who is, or have seen someone on the news who is.
I got to thinking there are quite a few things I thought were unique experiences for me that are actually more common than I thought. In group therapy I would mention something and quite a few heads would nod in agreement. In fact, there are quite a few life or mental health related things that are more common than we would think. I found some comfort in this. Thus, my list of “… You Might Be A Human.”
Below, you will find a list of 65 things: relatable, funny, kinda gross, and serious things that show our humanity. I am hoping this will both help normalize some of our experiences and bring a smile to your face.
- If you sweat in more places than just your armpits … you might be a human.
- If you remember a mean comment someone told you in middle school … you might be a human.
- If you have taken a peek at your bowel movement before flushing … you might be a human. (Side note: I know it is weird and maybe kinda gross, but it is actually recommended as checking can tell you a lot about your digestive health. The more you know. See linked article)
- If you have looked in the mirror and disliked what you saw … you might be a human.
- If your body emits odors other than the smell of roses … you might be a human.
- If you have talked to yourself out loud in front of others as if you are narrating you day … you might be a human.
- If you can identify which of these images have cars in them … you might be a human.
- If you have Googled something you already knew the answer to just to be sure … you might be a human.
- If you have loved unconditionally then lost them … you might be a human.
- If you have set six or more alarms to help you get out of bed in the morning … you might be a human.
- If you have avoided bringing in the mail because you know there is a bill in it … you might be a human.
- If you have ever intentionally started a fire on your dining room table because you like the smell (candle) … you might be a human.
- If you have walked through a doorway and lost your purpose to the ether … you might be a human.
- If your spouse or parent found an item you swore you looked everywhere for … you might be a human.
- If you waited till the deadline to complete something important … you might be a human.
- If you have put macaroni noodles on all four prongs of a fork … you might be a human.
- If you have laid in bed all day ruminating about how you should be up and productive … you might be a human.
- If you woke up with massive bed head, wet your hair, and said “good enough” … you might be a human.
- If you have carried all the grocery bags in at once despite risking the loss of a finger to low blood circulation … you might be a human.
- If you have done a mini dance party over finding a close parking spot … you might be a human.
- If you have apologized to an inanimate object you ran into … you might be a human.
- If you have bit the inside of your cheek as a nervous habit … you might be a human.
- If you have waited till you get home to go #2 … you might be a human.
- If you have had intrusive thoughts while driving … you might be a human.
- If you have picked up a sock off the floor using only your toes … you might be a human.
- If you have thought about dying … you might be a human.
- If you have held an entire conversation without actually talking to anyone … you might be a human.
- If you have eaten buttered pasta because it was easier than going grocery shopping … you might be a human.
- If you have subconsciously done a little dance when eating something delicious … you might be a human.
- If you have felt compelled to ensure the tv volume lands on an even number … you might be a human.
- If you have forgotten to breathe and then taken a deeper breath to catch up … you might be a human.
- If you have confided your deepest darkest secrets to an animal … you might be a human.
- If you have set a goal and fell short … you might be a human.
- If you water your plants more than you water yourself … you might be a human.
- If you have gotten in your head about a conversation you had weeks ago … you might be a human.
- If you have compared yourself to an influencer online and subsequently engaged in self-deprecating thoughts … you might be a human.
- If you have lost a friend due to distance or no longer engaging in the same shared activities … you might be a human.
- If you have forgotten about a deadline and subsequently failed due to this oversight … you might be a human.
- If you have had a crush on someone only for them to reject you and shatter your glorified view of them … you might be a human.
- If you have taken an everything shower … you might be a human.
- If you have an intrusive thought so disturbing you cringe at yourself … you might be a human.
- If you have heard a weird ringing in your ears when in the middle of a silent room … you might be a human.
- If you have fallen short of someone’s expectations for you … you might be a human.
- If you have dangled one leg out from under the covers to cool yourself off at night … you might be a human.
- If you have pulled the bed sheets over yourself convinced the monsters cannot get you under there … you might be a human.
- If you have pretended to not see an acquaintance in public so you can avoid the inevitably awkward conversation where they remember your name but you do not remember theirs … you might be a human.
- If you have said “goodbye” and then both walked the same direction afterwards in dead silence or with a super awkward laugh… you might be a human.
- If you have questioned if your boss appreciates your work despite receiving good reviews … you might be a human.
- If you have had a charley horse in your calf … you might be a human.
- If you have practiced speaking before going into a public area because you have been alone and silent all day up until then … you might be a human.
- If you have pretended to check your phone to avoid awkward interactions … you might be a human.
- If you get in your head thinking everyone hates you … you might be a human.
- If you have put on headphones or earbuds without audio playing to let others know you are not open for conversations … you might be a human. (Bonus points if a stranger has interrupted you anyways.)
- If you have waved back at someone only to realize they were waving at someone behind you … you might be a human.
- If you have re-worn a pair of pants from the previous day … you might be a human. (Side note: It is suggested we can use them up to ten times between washes. See the linked article)
- If you have shut off the lights and then ran out of the room like a killer is chasing you … you might be a human.
- If you have compared your car wiper speed to someone else to make sure you are not being overly dramatic … you might be a human.
- If you have reused a bath towel under the pretense that you are clean after your shower so surely you can use it more than once … you might be a human. (Side note: It is recommended to wash bath and hand towels at least once a week. See linked article)
- If you have checked your appearance in a window as you pass to make sure your hair is not too wild … you might be a human.
- If you have checked your teeth in your car mirror before meeting up with people … you might be a human.
- If you have smelled a piece of clothing to see if it is clean … you might be a human.
- If you have had a floater in your vision … you might be a human. (Side note: This is more common than I though it was. And here I was thinking I was special because I can see squiggles sometimes. See linked article)
- If you have said yes to someone when you really wanted to say no … you might be a human.
- If you have froze in anxious panic even though there was no tiger in the room … you might be a human.
- If you make up stories in your head for strangers you see in passing … you might be a human.
Hopefully you found some of these relatable or felt a little less alone out there. I would love to hear any additional ones you would add. Please feel free to leave them in the comments for others to see.
If you are looking for a good laugh, I have linked part one and two of Jeff Foxworthy’s original “You Might Be a Redneck If…”
Leave a Reply