Welcome to Las Vagus Nerve-ada! The lesser known Sign (Sin) City. We’ve got it all from deer hit with high beams to doormats for sale well below their value. The deeper in you go, the more exciting it gets, or at least I think so. I will be your tour guide, Amy, short for Amygdala. I am a permanent resident here and manage many of the neighborhoods we will visit today.

I am mandated by the Foundation of Nervous Systems to start our tour in the R and D Neighborhood, also known as Rest and Digest. I personally think this place is so boring, and I don’t understand why so many guests are eager to return to this neighborhood. Everyone is yawning all the time. None of them are acting excited. Sure they smile and laugh, but I want to see racing heart rates and some serious sweat. In R and D, they take mandated breaks to touch their feet to grass and look up at the clouds. Many people utilize this space to set goals and plan steps to achieve them. Gross. As you’ll see, my departments specialize in living in the moment at high speed and a little anxious forward thinking to get the heart racing. These people look content to be here, which frankly is quite boring. Moving on, I think you have heard more than enough about R and D. I am confident you will spend more time elsewhere once you see what I have to offer.

This is Neighborhood F1, also known as the Fight Neighborhood. At the center of this area, you will see a boxing ring. Right now, you can see only one man in the ring. And you might ask, “Where is his opponent?” Great question. Not only can you fight others here, but you can also fight yourself. Have you ever been angry at yourself for something you have said or done? Well, choose to live in F1, and have access to our Anger Arena 24/7. Here at F1, our dress code is shorts and tank tops as you are expected to get radiatingly red hot and definitely break a sweat. The Anger Arena plays upbeat music to get your heart racing, and they have a sign broadcasting your current racing thoughts to make them unforgettable. Clearly you can see how exciting the F1 Neighborhood can be. Here’s hoping you make this your top choice! (Amy visibly crosses her fingers)

We are now approaching Neighborhood F2, the Flight Neighborhood. Do you feel that zippy energy feeling you just received? This is the number one perk of living here. We keep the Jaw’s soundtrack playing during the afternoons to encourage high heart rates and the use of our community racing track. We want everyone who lives here to be ready to run at a moment’s notice. Who knows when someone will send us a dirty look. You bet this neighborhood will be prepared to make a swift exit. If you choose to live here and the energy becomes too overwhelming, we offer a peaceful spa accessible 24/7, the Dissoci-Nation Spa. Here you can rest your body and let your mind dissociate to elsewhere. What a wonderful idea! This neighborhood is definitely a top contender.

Neighborhood F3 is my personal favorite. In the Fawn Neighborhood, these neighbors are the type to share everything. Anything I ask them to do is done right away with no complaints. They do not take up a lot of space. I mean, anything I ask, the answer is always “Yes!” They are the most agreeable people. In fact, I would venture to say this one is the “perfect” neighborhood, or at least they are perfect to me. I have never seen anyone treated badly here. “Always be pleasing” is their motto. Before you decide where you would like to reside, I have one final neighborhood for you to visit.

The F4 Neighborhood, also known as the Freeze Neighborhood, is the furthest from R and D. New residents frequently start in R and D and progress through one of the F1-3 Neighborhoods prior to living in F4. If you don’t like making decisions or taking risks, this is the place for you. You are provided with 24/7 access to a Personal Cryofreeze Chamber to use in any instance of discomfort. I am required to alert you to the possible side effects including depression, dissociation, and hopelessness. But, that is all a load of propaganda from R and D. I run this neighborhood and would like to claim this is the safest neighborhood we offer here.