“Uses/Lives Through One’s Child” (Ni, 2016)

Your ____ thinks of you as part of them, kind of like you are a clone of them. ____ thinks what you achieve and how others view you is actually their achievements and how others view them. When you look and act “put together”, your ____ feels put together and accomplished. They probably care more about how you look on the outside than how you feel on the inside.

“Marginalization” (Ni, 2016)

You are capable of doing so many amazing things, and this scares ____. They feels threatened by your potential to do awesome things. So, ____ will say some very mean things. They will show you or tell you that you are not “good enough”. They will change their mind about what “good enough” is, a lot.

“Superficial Image” (Ni, 2016)

____ is going to act quite differently out and about than they act at home. They will show off their loving family to others, but you will not feel that love at home. They want others to want the life they have, so they will make their life look as appetizing to others as they can.

“Manipulation” (Ni, 2016)

Love will be given to you only when you meet their demands. It is like playing a game with the reward being love and the rules constantly being updated. You are not going to get love very often if the rules change. You will also begin to think so highly of the love you do get because it is so rare.

____ will say mean things to you to get you to do what they want. It might sound like:

• “I gave you a home, food, and an education. You should respect me. You should love me. Stop complaining.”
• “It is embarrassing when you act like that.”
• “It is your fault we …”
• “Your friends are like… Why are you not more like them?”
• “You are not good enough unless you do …”

“Inflexible and Touchy (Ni, 2016)

When you try to push against their rules, they will blow up with upsetness. Like way more than it seemed like they would. They feel they are losing control of you. You are testing the leash they have you tied to, and they will not be happy about that. But, you have to jump out of the nest to learn to fly.

“Lack of Empathy” (Ni, 2016)

____ will stop checking in to see how you are doing. They will start talking about themselves whenever you start to open up about you. They cannot understand your emotions. ____’s are supposed to try and understand or at least empathize with their kid’s emotions.

“Dependency/Codependency” (Ni, 2016)

You will notice that ___ brings their problems to you, kinda like if you were their doctor. They will tell you how they feel and ask you questions like you are their therapist. They will put too much responsibility for themselves onto you. This is called codependency. They will rely on you to help regulate their emotions instead of themselves or a therapist. When you bring bring up a problem, they might turn the conversation around to be about you helping them. They might make the conversation be more like show and tell but also a competition where their problem takes center stage.

“Jealousy and Possessiveness” (Ni, 2016)

____ will see any other non-family members getting close to you as a threat. They think this other person is working to pull you away from them. ____ will see any future boyfriends you have as major competition. They will think that they will take you away from them, or sway your allegiance to them. They will push back hard on you for dating them.

“Neglect” (Ni, 2016)

They will pour themselves into their work, cleaning, or cooking… anything except you. Your emotional needs are less exciting than their work and achievements.